“Try your best, and if you don’t succeed try your second best, but try. Don’t fall apart. There is a lot of merit in the effort.”

“We gave a lot to our children, but we expected a lot.”

I had the pleasure to meet Presvytera Maria Vaporis (Presvytera is an honorable title for an Orthodox Priest spouse) at her home in North Carolina. It was an unusually warm day for December, with clear blue skies and an abundance of Christmas decorations adding color and festivity. As I was driving to Presvytera Maria’s home, I thought how interesting and wonderful her life has been as a mother of four, a grandmother of eleven, a Presvytera and an artist. Her husband, Father Nomikos Vaporis, was a renowned Byzantine historian and Dean of the Hellenic College. He authored more than 100 books related to Byzantine and religious history, and Presvytera Maria illustrated more than 50 of them. All of her children were educated at prestigious U.S. universities, including Princeton and MIT.

I found her life’s journey inspiring and wanted to share it with our readers — especially young mothers. I was anxious about speaking with Presvytera Maria, but as soon as she opened the front door, her warm smile immediately made me feel welcome. Byzantine music was playing in the background and an oversized library dominated the living room. On the coffee table were her husband’s book “Witnesses for Christ” and a book by her son Constantine (a Japanese Scholar) titled “Breaking Barriers: Travel and the State in Early Modern Japan.” Immediately, I noticed many beautiful contemporary paintings inspired by the Byzantine era, classical Greek statues and Orthodox icons. Her remarkably well-organized art studio was at the end of the living room, and was brightly illuminated by the sunrays penetrating the surrounding glass walls.

Presvytera Maria, you have created many beautiful paintings. Who was your inspiration and how did you develop such a precious skill?

My inspiration for painting started from within my family, as my mother had and my brothers have an artistic vein. When I expressed my desire to go to the art school I was not allowed, but my brother was. However, I did go to art school later, after I got married and I had my four children. My husband was my source of inspiration. After he completed his PhD, I told him that I would like to attend an art school. Although I was painting throughout the years I was raising my children, I felt I had to take my love for art to the next level.

My husband was an exceptional individual. He was open to new ideas and was very supportive in anything related to education and personal enhancement. He was not an old-fashioned Greek man. As you know, Greek men can be especially protective and many times do not give the required freedom to their wives to make decisions and choices. My husband trusted me and encouraged me to follow my passion for art. He was wonderful. Occasionally, I enjoyed taking trips to New York to attend art exhibitions with my art-circle friends, and my husband was happy to take care of the children in my absence.

The Byzantine heritage has been important in my life, not only artistically. My husband used to share many historical references with my children and relate them to present times. It was fascinating. If I had discovered Byzantine earlier in my life, I would have pursued a deeper and more advanced education in Byzantine history. My oldest son has the same love and curiosity for Byzantine, like his father did.

Presvytera Maria, you have raised successfully four children with strong Greek-Orthodox values in the U.S. How did you manage to overcome cultural challenges and in parallel preserve your heritage?

The Church has been and still is a very big part of my life. We attended services regularly with my children. During holiday seasons such as Christmas and Easter, my husband was assigned to serve different parishes around the country and we followed him. Although we were away from home and stayed in a hotel during these days, we adhered to religious traditions despite that it was not easy. When the children were teenagers, sometimes they rebelled and did not want to go to church, but we insisted. Probably, this discipline has been the most important value in their upbringing and I see now how they continue these traditions with their children. Each one of them strives to preserve their Greek Orthodox values and teach their children by example, very much how we raised and taught our children.

I remember, as I look back, there were times of criticism from parishioners when I was not able to attend the service early. And I answered: Do you prefer to see me alone early in front of the pew or with my children even for five minutes? I made a choice to have my children with me and I believe when you go to church even for a little while over and over again, children will learn. It is true that children do not appreciate the value of going regularly to church when they are young. But when they grow older — as my son did when he attended an advanced educational program in the University of Tokyo, he was looking for the church. The church teaches you to be faithful, to have obligations and respect. All these values apply to our daily lives and we become better parents, better people.

When you look back at yourself being a young mother, is there anything you would have done differently?

I wish I was less strict. I was a very strict mother. Thankfully, my husband was more flexible: he was the counter balance in my family, so the children learned both ways. The expectations for my children were higher, even from their peers — something that I learned later. But, believe it or not, when other children had problems they looked for advice and comfort from my children. My children have helped other children at times of despair. I always told them they should help other people when they can and not to talk about it. As we say in Greek, the left hand should not know what the right hand does.

Do you feel Greek-American couples today are slowly drifting away from their Greek-Orthodox values?

Young people have changed a lot. Parents that take their children to church want to retain some of their ethnic and religious background. However, I have noticed some regional differences. For example, Greeks in the southern part of the U.S. have assimilated to the local southern culture. One distinctive characteristic that defines our heritage is the passion for education. In the South, Greeks that could have sent their children to the best schools in the country — they decide otherwise. On the contrary, in the Northeast of the country, Greeks have retained their Greek-ness and they are proud. They will send their children to the other side of the country without hesitation and they will provide them all the opportunities to advance in their educational future.

I do not understand the fear of some parents not to let their children relocate and manage their own life. If the family fundamentals are strong, independent children will become more responsible and good decision makers. Of course, for some people education has lost its value. It is disappointing. I personally put a lot of emphasis on education and I always reminded my children, “You have to get good education and then you can achieve a lot in your life” — all you have to do is to try your best. If you don’t succeed…try your second best, but try. Don’t fall apart. There is a lot of merit in the effort.

How has your role as Presvytera contributed in your family life?

We had a very busy social life, which I enjoyed every part of. Since my husband was a Dean and a priest, we were invited to many social events, but we entertained a lot too. I like to cook and I always cooked for my family and friends. In fact, we all ate together and we talked at the dinner table. We baked together with our children and today my daughter and sons are all good cooks. I think when all the family is seated together at the dinner table, it creates a special bond between parents and siblings. Homemade food makes this experience even more special. Even today, when my children visit I get special requests to make their favorite meal. We as parents have to set the example. My husband and I tried to adhere to this rule. We have to be honest to our children so they can feel a strong sense of trust and comfort. We gave a lot to our children, but we expected a lot.

As you know, Presvytera Maria, Greece has seen an impressive socio-economic development the last few decades. Do you miss the old Greece?

We lived in Greece when my daughter was one year old and my oldest son, ten. Those days, the people were friendlier and warmer. Today, people are more money hungry and selfish, but this is true of America. Societies have changed, the world has changed. One characteristic that I admire in Greece is the young Greek students. They have a strong ambition to learn more than American children. Maybe a lot has to do with the deep desire of Greek parents to give very good education to their children.

In my family, books were a big part. My children all had their own libraries in their rooms. Books were everywhere, even in the bathrooms. We often visited the bookstore and we let them choose books. We invested a lot of money on books, but this is how they developed a love for reading and education. Today, all my children have at least a Masters Degree. They saw their father reading and writing. They saw me reading poetry and painting. Today, I see how my son faithfully resembles his father and many of our own family rituals are repeated through our children to my grandchildren.

Presvytera Maria, on behalf of Goneis magazine, I would like to thank you for opening your home and taking the time to share with us some of your life experiences.

Thank you, Mrs. Teka. It was my pleasure.

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