Meet Shelly Headen: stay-at-home mother of three girls, tireless volunteer at her children’s school and her community. Shelly has been an Accounting professional until the birth of her third daughter. She has worked both full-time at an office and part-time from home. Here is a mother who constantly goes the extra mile—whether in taking care of her family, participating in the school PTA board or in community events. We were interested in finding out how Shelly manages her life.

Yes! Society’s pressure to excel forces mothers to sacrifice a tremendous amount of time and personal care for themselves in order to provide the best opportunities for their children. The expectations for our children have escalated in the last 10 to 15 years. Children are expected to excel in many things. There is no moderation in our extracurricular activities. Sports such as soccer and gymnastics continue to raise the bar. Most children attend an extracurricular class in the afternoon or evening at least three nights a week and then have sporting events almost every Saturday. Families are forced to rush through dinner and rush out the door every Saturday morning. The amount of homework for children has also increased, eliminating quality family time during the week. Parents have little time to enjoy relaxing, unscheduled time with their families.

Living selflessly and serving my family as well as others is the most important aspect of my life.  I like to feel that I am making a contribution to others. 

It is important to establish moderation and just say “No” to some of society’s pressure and expectations.  When I worked outside the home after my first child was born, I demanded part-time and flex-time hours.  I did not allow supervisors to ask me to work over time during the week when I needed to pick my daughter up from day care.  I reminded co-workers that I had taken a pay cut to allow time to care for my children and therefore I was able to stick to my part time schedule.  Family must come before career.

When I subsequently had my second child, family responsibilities increased. I was able to negotiate a plan whereby I was allowed to work part-time from home. This worked well for a while because it gave me further flexibility.

Eventually, upon having a third child I chose to give up my part-time career and be a full time stay-at-home mom.  I knew that with three children there would be no way to balance career and family and have any form of a quality life.  I had no idea it could be this busy and hectic as a stay-at-home mom.  In addition to the basic needs of young children there are endless requests for volunteer work from the schools.  I have chosen to be very involved with the school’s PTA because it is one opportunity for me to practice my professionalism and also stay in touch with my children’s school. I feel that the things I learn about the school through PTA are important to me as a mother.  I also feel that it gives me an opportunity to communicate with others on a professional level.  For example, I often have the opportunity to speak in front of large groups of people.

 I have found that it is important to eliminate unnecessary responsibilities.  I try not to get involved in school service events or social groups that are not meaningful to me and my children, and instead focus on the things that are important and productive. 

 Do you have your own household to-do list?

 I have a very large calendar on my pantry wall.  I color code each item.  There is a color for each member of my family.  I check the calendar several times a day.  I always make sure that every “to do” is on the calendar.

 What is your typical weekday/weekend like?

 I start each day with a quick view of my large calendar and get the kids off to school.  My three year old only goes to preschool three mornings a week so she is with me most of the time.  After the older kids get to school, I usually do a few household chores, get about 30 minutes of exercise done and then get a shower.  One day a week I volunteer for a couple of hours at the elementary school….and this appears to be my only social outing for each week!  By the time I get all of this done, I have to get the kids off of the bus, rush through homework and then get everyone loaded in the car for an extracurricular activity.  We have something almost every afternoon.  My girls have gymnastics, piano, soccer, cheerleading and Girl Scouts.  On Saturdays we either have soccer or cheerleading.  On Sundays we have church and I usually teach Sunday School.  I try to squeeze in as much house cleaning on the weekends as possible.

On occasion I will ask for help from my Mom.  She is three hours away but is almost always willing to help.  I previously had a routine cleaning service that I have chosen to live without for financial reasons but I keep the option open to use this service randomly, when necessary. 

I also try to keep the stress of meals to a minimum.  If I am exhausted, I try to find the most nutritious option of take-out food. I also keep a stash of quick food such carrot sticks, cut broccoli, pre-prepared pizza crusts for quick pizzas, and sandwich meat for those days that I do not have time for cooking or take-out.  I do not allow myself to feel guilty about it.  Cooking is my least favorite task! 

Finally, I’d like to say that prayer is my most important survival practice.  When things get overwhelming, I find comfort in prayer, and this keeps me going.